The need to belong… one of our primary needs - the need for connection, warmth, and affection…
A study was carried out in 1944 on the impact of lack of affection and touch on newborns (see the end of the article for more info). Half of the newborns in the experiment that had all basic needs covered (being changed, fed, burped, bathed, etc) but had no touch, affection or eye contact with their caregivers died after a few months.
It is actually very harsh that such an experiment was carried out and for some reason, not a lot of information exists about it. The reason I am referring to it is to point out how important affection, hugs, touch, and expression of love is for our physical and emotional wellbeing.
Today, we have reached a point that we have little physical connection with people, relationships become more and more shallow. Less time to bond. Less time to just exist with one another and less time of verbal communication.
Having that study in mind, can you imagine what impact this has on our soul, mind, and body?
People rush through experiences, they rush to gain attention, to have sex and leave fast and all these…behind the excuse of ”guarding” their soul. Should we refer to it as “guarding” though? Or is it just the fear of connection, the fear to love and be loved…
People pretend that they do not need affection, connection, and bonding. I often hear people saying “I have no time to fall in love now” and I ask you…why? What do you have to do when you “fall” in love? Why is it so time-consuming to love? Why is it so hard?
Is it because we don’t really know how?
We have become stingy in love… Being a single mom I have the chance to be back in the dating scene…Oh, God! Things have changed since I was single 🙂 I remember men flirting women, women feeling free to fall in love and the word “we” not to be such a scary word.
And now? We are conscious of the words and the emoticons we use in our messages… we are conscious even for the dots and the exclamation marks... We try to “protect” ourselves from “falling”….
· “Be careful… you will seem to available”
· “Don’t show too excited you will seem needy”
· “Don’t say “I like you” first”
· “Don’t text first”
…and a million other things that keep us trapped in a well-fed Ego…
And what about sex? Such an amazing way of bonding is becoming so shallow… People trying to act like porn stars in bed and then crawl back to their «shells» shutting down any feelings for connection.
The need for Connection today is often silenced by a constant “EGO feeding communication” through social media.
Men, as well as women, might be flirting simultaneously with more than one person, have sex with more than one person and the result? No need and no time to get to know each other. “Why should I bother committing if I will soon have someone else to entertain me?”
It often reminds me of children playing with a new toy! They are excited and devoted to it but then they get bored and want to buy a new one! And so they do…and they are again excited, and again bored… The result is a pile of useless toys that have no meaning to them.
But if they have no new toys for a while and only that favorite one, they focus on it more, they find ways to create a new play with it, new scenarios and a stronger connection with it.
Today we are freer than ever to create relationships and choose who we want to spend our time with and yet we avoid strong bonds, devotion, and openness with one another.
I urge you to ask yourself every time you quickly want to move on to the next experience…
· What are you running away from?
· What are you scared of? Love, be loved or both?
Let this be a calling for you to open your heart and allow true and unconditional love to flow. Try to let go of that bubbled up EGO and pay some attention to what is happening around you. How is the “noise” around you? Are you willing to minimize it in order to see and listen?
Only when you remain without “noise” and without “Ego feeding” communication you start realizing what you need most. We all need affection, men and women. We are all human beings and we have same basic needs that we have to cover. Love and affection is an invisible need we have and one that makes the quality of our lives amazing when met.
True happiness comes from being able to open your heart to other people, to be honest, and have the courage to experience the wonderful connection between you and them. And of course, I am not talking about the “Forever Together” shit, don’t worry, I don’t want to scare you. People that have the blessing to experience forever together are lucky but for now, let’s just try to feel fully and live fully for as long as it lasts. That is enough.
Shall we try being more honest and not so scared? Shall we try to express ourselves and be honest enough to let someone go with respect? You are allowed to choose not to be with someone but have the courage to say it.
And as far as sex is concerned, guys…on behalf of all the ladies (well maybe there are some exceptions)… SEX is never only Sex for us. We always want something more than that. So the Sex and GO thing…Let it go!
There is nothing more attractive on a man to be clear on what he wants from a woman. Even though hurtful sometimes, I am sure ladies will appreciate it a lot more if you are just honest.
And ladies… start appreciating yourselves more. If you see that someone is not interested in you (at least the way you want them to) let him go. Respect yourself first! We should never keep spending time on things that are already finished!
Try to pause…don't rush through life.
The minute you choose to be true and trust in people the whole view of this world changes. Create amazing, relationships with unconditional love (even in the awkward presence of fear), give it a try, you might like it. And if you want to experience bliss…have sex whilst being crazy in love then maybe just maybe you will not have the need to "Go".
Aim for the experience of unconditional love…
You will find info about the experiment here. There is no official information about it on the web and it was only mentioned to emphasize the importance of our need to be loved.