What makes a child happy and how do you know if your child is really happy;
All humans on this earth are souls contained in these bodies. We all come in this life to shine and then leave. I will never forget how amazed I was after the birth of my first daughter…I used to hold her in my arms and I could not believe how magnificent her existence was. I used to hear that when they are babies they don’t understand much…but for me it was different.. I used to talk to her like a friend I had for ages and somehow I was getting a response through her eyes in all that I am saying.
I have the honour to work with children, helping them uncover their true self and learn to express their feelings. Whichever age they are I talk to them like they are in my age, I never talk to them like they are something different than me.
They are also souls contained in bodies….just like I am!
So if as a parent the only thing you want for your child is to be truly happy here are the three main things that will help you achieve it:
1. Be with them don’t do for them
From the second we find out that we are expecting a child we start preparing everything, start dreaming about what we will do for them and as soon as they pop out we start doing things for them. As soon as they show us their true abilities (for example when they walk and talk J ) we start with the expectations….we try to do everything for them, take them to various lessons and activities even at young ages and we try to offer them everything we can so we keep ourselves satisfied that we have done the best as their parents.
What they really need from us though is Us! They want to see us smile, they want us to be calm, they want us to stop and just be with them. They want us to just exist with them and be truly present.
So you can ask yourself… how often do you stop.. how often do you just exist with your children without rushing here and there…How often are you truly present with them?
And just to make it lighter for you…try to do it as often and for as long as you can…in time you will learn to do it without great effort…Just try it!
2. Offer your priceless look all the time
When we are anxious, tired or disoriented our look changes…We avoid looking other people in the eyes…and the truth is that most of us are leaving in the future…not the present. We always think of what we have to do next…rarely enjoy the current moment.
This comes in contrast with our children, who they actually live in the moment. They enjoy playing without worrying what will happen next… time is irrelevant (especially in younger ages).
Try to just sit and watch your children while they are playing. With no cellphones, no thoughts and no expectations. Just observe… you will be amazed of how many times they will search for your look. They want to be seen. They want you to appreciate their existence. They want to feel that you are proud of them.
Sometimes when they play or when the achieve something new they turn to us… they search for that look… the look that says “I am so proud, I am so glad you exist in my life”….
The thought that comes to my mind every time I catch them searching for my look is “Oh my God, how would she feel if I didn’t pay attention to her now?”
So I humbly urge you…observe and offer your look to them…this is like magic to their inner wellbeing.
3. Do not teach
There are some things that we might need to teach our children in order to function in this society but most of the things we teach them come from our incapability to have trust and patience in them…Most of the things in this life they can learn through experience but in a slower pace…
We believe that we have to teach them everything and in this way we will make sure they are safer and more capable to go through life. The truth is that we feel THE NEED to teach them because we will otherwise fail in our mission as parents.
You see, the expectations we have for ourselves and our children are our greatest Limitations in this life…
Most of the kids I work with troubled self-image have parents who are anxious and have many and high expectations of how things SHOULD ΒΕ.
ACCEPT WHAT your child can offer you in this moment and show how much you appreciate their effort and their existence in this world and I guarantee you that your child will thrive.
It is as simple as that!
Summing up! Becoming a parent is all about learning…Uncovering sides of yourselves you never new existed and our children are in reality greater teachers to us than what we are to them.
Our children know better than us how to enjoy life, notice how they are happy by doing simple things! Sometimes they are satisfied by just being with us J
And now ask your self: do WE need to teach them to become like US or do THEY need to teach US how to be like them..?